God Only Knows
by iloveromance
Summary: When Martin unexpectedly finds himself in a dark place, guilt overcomes him. However, the person that he cares about the most is the one who understands exactly what he's going through. He realizes that saying just saying thank you isn't enough. He has to express his gratitude in a way that will never be forgotten. A Martin and Ronee story.
1. Chapter 1

He knew from the moment he lifted the shoebox from the top shelf of the closet that it was a mistake. It was a mistake when he carried the box carefully in his arms and sat down in his chair. But the biggest mistake of all was lifting the lid. His life was inside of that box. Or rather, the life that he once knew.

He shuffled through the contents, even though he'd gone through them hundreds of times before (especially in the beginning… after… It helped, he had to admit), but this was the first time that he'd opened the box since his new life had begun.

It was wrong of course, looking at these now when he was supposed to be so happy. And he was happy. He had everything that he could have ever wanted. He had a nice home, a beautiful wife (who loved him; of that he was certain), and a wonderful family. But he couldn't ignore the force (or whatever the hell it was) that had beckoned him out of his favorite chair (in the middle of a Mariners' tenth inning slaughter of the Yankees!) and down the long hallway to the closet.

He couldn't understand it. The last time he'd looked in that damned shoebox was not by choice. Daphne had discovered it while she'd been snooping in his room. Although she claimed that she had merely been putting away his clothes, he knew better. She was always meddling in people's lives, wanting to know everything about them. He certainly couldn't fault her for it. In fact, it was one of the things he loved about her. No wonder Niles had fallen for her at first sight. The memory made him smile.

But Daphne wasn't standing beside him now so he couldn't pin this craziness on her. It was all his doing and he'd be damned if he could figure out why on that day, of all days, he'd had such a strong urge to go back to his long-ago past.

He returned his attention to the pictures, scattered haphazardly in the box and removed one. Like all of the others, it was worn and faded, but it instantly brought back a rush of memories.

The woman in the photo gazed longingly at the baby in her arms. Martin could see the baby's small features clearly and ow he remembered the moment as though it was yesterday. His first born son. He was so happy. And he was more in love with his wife than he'd ever been before.

 _Hester…  
_

He felt the emotional pull immediately; the familiar numbness that he'd felt so many times before and he sighed deeply.

There were more pictures in the box; many, many more. He smiled at the image of himself standing happily beside his brand new bride. She looked beautiful in her wedding dress (the one that she said was too 'plain'… how wrong she was!) And Martin had to admit that he looked pretty sharp in his uniformed finest. He was proud to represent the Seattle Police Department as a detective. The photo may have been in black and white, but the colors were vivid in his memory. The day he married Hester Palmer was the happiest day of his life; until Frasier and Niles were born. His eyes scanned the picture moving from his face to that of Hester.

God how he missed her.


	2. Chapter 2

But he would not cry. Not this time. He'd done enough damn crying (mostly in places that he wouldn't be seen. Because, like his youngest son, he was not a man who cried. At least that was his story and he wasn't about to change it) to last a lifetime. He didn't need to cry anymore. Things were different now. He was different. His sons were no longer babies, but successful, grown men with families of their own.

While Niles had chosen to stay in Seattle, making a home for his newborn son and the wife he'd always dreamed of, Frasier had embarked on a new life in San Francisco.

It was unfortunate that things with the matchmaker Charlotte hadn't worked out. Frasier seemed very happy with her and he worked hard to earn her love. Altering his plans from flying to the Bay City to the Windy City instead had been a bold move, even for Frasier. But Fras was smart, always planning ahead. He made certain that Bebe kept that job in San Francisco open and available, lest things with Charlotte hadn't worked out.

Martin felt bad for Fras of course. Frasier, it seemed, was the only one in the family who hadn't found love. Niles had Daphne (even though it had taken him nearly seven years) and finally had a son of his own. And Martin was the most surprised of all at how things had turned out. Just months earlier, he'd discovered, much to his amazement, that there was more to former babysitter Ronee Lawrence than he bargained for; a lot more.

He hadn't planned on feeling the way he felt for her, nor had he planned on asking her to marry him. That part came as a complete surprise. But now that she was his wife, he couldn't imagine his life without her. And neither could he imagine that he would feel such happiness.

He had to admit that getting married in a veterinarian's office (Not only by his eldest son) in the presence of his minutes-old grandson, Niles and Daphne wasn't something that he and Ronee had planned. Hell, no one could have planned a wedding like that, even if they tried. He knew that the many guests they'd invited were probably still angry about missing out on what Frasier and Niles had joked was the _Social Event of the Year._ The guests, he hoped, would get over it; they'd have to. Because frankly, he wouldn't have changed one second of that day. How many men could say that they got married minutes after their grandson was born… in a veterinarian's office? He knew that he would remember it for the rest of his life.

He gazed longingly at his wedding ring, chuckling at the idea that the band of gold on his own hand and the glittery one that Ronee wore had, for a time, been inside his beloved Eddie. And if that fiasco of Eddie swallowing the wedding rings hadn't occurred, their traditional wedding would have gone as planned.

He had to remember to thank Eddie someday.

 _(~TBC~)_


	3. Chapter 3

Martin smiled and picked up another picture, turning it over in his fingers. The date on the lower left-hand corner, written with long-ago faded blue ink in Hester's scratchy handwriting indicated that it was taken when the boys were small. And when he turned the picture over again, he chuckled.

Niles and Frasier stood in the backyard with their pails and shovels. No doubt they'd been fighting over that damned sandbox again. He knew he should have taken Hester's advice and bought two of them because the boys battled it out for that box for months; even in the winter when neither of them had any business being outside in the first place. Hester always seemed to know what was best for her sons, although Martin would never admit it.

But what made him laugh out loud… really laugh… was the sight of Niles, who was wearing nothing but a diaper. He could just imagine the horror that his youngest son would express if he knew that Hester had kept the picture all these years. And he was fairly certain that Niles would never subject David to a photo shoot in his diapers. It was the tradition; it seemed, of every parent to take at least one picture that would embarrass their children to no end. But Martin was positive that the tradition had come to an end. He doubted that even Frederick had been subjected to such embarrassment. Martin knew that Niles wouldn't want David exposed as it were. But most likely it had nothing to do with parenting at all. It was most likely due to the fact that Niles had in fact seen the picture and it had embarrassed the hell out of him.

Still chuckling, Martin thumbed through even more pictures. Some provided happy memories, some sad. Some he recalled vividly, some did not. He took to the next set of pictures. Damn, his memory seemed to be fading, just as the images on the pictures were fading.

Suddenly a thought came over him. If his memory was this bad….

No, he would not think it. He refused to belief that he had Alzheimer's or _old-timers_ or whatever the hell it was called. He wasn't old! Not that old anyway. Not really. It would be a long time; a very long time until he got to the point of losing his memory all together and he hoped to hell that he would never get to that point at all.

But something was wrong. He made a mental note to talk to his doctor about it. However, he'd go about it discreetly, no sense in worrying about something that might or might not happen. For the time being he'd just go about his daily life.


	4. Chapter 4

He stared at the next picture long and hard, trying to recall the events. Damn, why was it so difficult to remember? And then something caught his eye. Slowly he turned the picture over and read the back. Sure enough in the same familiar handwriting, Hester had written "Puyallup Fair" And then the date.

Martin smiled. Of course! The annual Washington State Fair that was held every September in the city of Puyallup, the small town with the name that few people could pronounce. He wondered if the nickname "The Puyallup Fair" hadn't been a ploy by the town to gain recognition somehow. Wouldn't have surprised him one bit.

He looked at the picture again. As if by magic, the memories of that day came rushing back. He saw everything clearly; the rides they'd ridden, eating the famous Fischer Scones, Niles and Frasier being terrified of the horses, the cows, and even the rabbits in their cages. But not Hester. She touched each and every one as gently as possible, trying to encourage her children to do the same. But Frasier and Niles would have none of it.

And then another wonderful memory surfaced. The image of the family sitting down at the kitchen table; all four of them, himself, Hester, Niles and Martin, all enjoying a slice of Hester's apple pie. She was so proud of that pie. It was the first and only blue ribbon that she'd ever won in her life. She was so excited when they walked by the row of pies that she'd hugged and kissed him like there was no tomorrow. Martin was sure that Frasier and Niles were overcome with embarrassment, but he wouldn't have traded the affection from his wife for anything.

That night, Hester and Martin tucked their two exhausted little boys into bed and retired to their own bedroom. It had been a wonderful day. And he carried that memory with him to work the next morning, which made investigating homicides a little bit easier.

If Hester hadn't taken the time to write the date and a brief description on the back of the photograph, the memory might have been lost forever. It was just another sign of just how wonderful she really was; always thinking of others. It might not have been her intention, but it was a sweet gesture just the same.

That familiar ache in his chest returned as he thumbed through photograph after photograph. And his wife grew older in each one until finally he couldn't take it anymore.  
He pushed the shoebox aside, making the decision to give his mind a rest. Somewhat relieved, he picked up the remote and aimed it at the television. It came to life, returning to the sports station he'd been watching earlier. The game was still on, but the score had changed dramatically. Just when the Mariners had been on the verge of pulling it out, they were now too far behind to even try to win the game. It seemed that they always managed to blow their lead. But still he loved them, as he always had. Annoyed, he cursed the television and aimed the remote at the screen, causing it to go black. And then he called for Eddie to join him on his lap.

The aging Jack Russell Terrier could no longer run to his master and it took some effort for him to even move toward Martin's chair. After a few unsuccessful attempts, Eddie sat at Martin's feet and whined. The sight broke Martin's heart. The days of Eddie scampering across the living room to jump into Martin's lap had long since passed, despite his faithful friend's good health.

Sadness came over him again as he leaned over to pick up his best friend and sat Eddie in his lap. "Come on, Eddie." He said, smiling at the way Eddie began kissing his face, obviously happy to be in his arms. Well that made two of them.

As Martin stroked Eddie's fur he smiled. "Oh Eddie, how I wish that Hester could have met you. She would have loved you, even though she was never very fond of dogs."

Eddie barked, making Martin laugh. "I know, Eddie. I know. You would have loved her too. God knows I loved her. I'll never stop either."


End file.
